http://XXXX.blogspot.com/
A HIGH LIFE.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {6:17 PM}
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Saturday, August 26, 2006
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:52 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:51 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:51 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:49 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:49 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:48 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:48 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:45 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:44 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:44 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:41 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:41 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:40 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:36 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:35 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:34 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:33 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:31 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:30 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:28 PM}
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I feel like someone has drilled holes into my head through the temples and my brain is leaking out.
In this frame of mind, I will now proceed to study.
Toodles,Labels: picture
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:28 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:27 PM}
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While busily deciphering the code that is the English language and armed with years of doing exactly that...
...Behold! A comma! Describe how the existence of the poem hinges on that punctuation mark!
I realized that life has no meaning.Labels: picture
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:26 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:24 PM}
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A random thought I thought randomly.
It being the case that this worthy personage, being not only worth his weight in gold, but in addition was very nearly the equal of it, consequently if he should lay down, it was only with much difficulty that he could be induced to rise again. As his person was thus progressively increased, with God's grace to enable it to encompass his generous heart, his garments became inadequate, indeed incapable, of containing even his mortal flesh, so great it was. It happened that a young serving girl, newly in service, occasioned to enter his rooms and thereupon beheld her much-revered master in a sad state, and felt immense compassion, so that a swoon felled her. In time she woke to perceive again the pitiable sight which had given her such agitation, and her feelings on the second viewing were of so strong a nature that she straight away gave up the ghost, and by this I mean to say...
...she died. In case that wasn't clear. :(Labels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:24 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {9:19 PM}
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I generally consider myself to be a person fair in view as well as appearance, and so balanced in judgment as to be very nearly perfect in symmetry—the physical sense included.
One can then imagine the righteous indignation I felt when there emerged an upsetting of this ideal state.
The fingers of my right hand commenced to scrape at my table in a most unbearable way, ostensibly to get my attention, although I privately suspect it was a successful endeavor to irritate me into compliance with its unfeasible demands.
“Yes?” I queried politely to this offending personage, if so it may be called, being one of the more unfortunate parts of myself in its likeness to the body’s constituted character.
“I feel distinctly unappreciated in my present occupation as your right hand,” it began in an infuriatingly condescending tone, none the less aggravating in that it matched my own consciousness for haughtiness.
“Do you?” I replied with becoming dignity, and, I thought fit to add, a bit of a chill in my voice to halt immediately this outrage of propriety.
“Yes.” It tapped thoughtfully against the wooden surface of aforementioned table, while I watched its deliberate performance with impotent annoyance.
“Your left hand possesses far too many privileges, while I, its counterpart and equal, receive nothing but scorn.”
“And well you should,” I retorted, “and as for thinking yourself equal, why, it would not be more ridiculous if a hippo should contend in size with an elephant!”
My right hand clenched, knuckles whitening in challenge, then slowly relaxed. “I shall pass over your ungracious comparison and, may I say, injudicious insulting of yourself, to continue in my—”
“—complaint.”
“—observation. I would like to establish certain rules for the future, so that our inevitable relationship, mutually disagreeable as it is, may carry at least a semblance of respectable form.”
“And how do you propose to do this? Or have you already usurped the position of the Brain in your abominable scheming?”
A rasping of nails, harsher and, yes, unbelievable though it may seem, more heinous yet than has ever been executed, answered.
I resolved immediately to suppress this insupportable insubordination.
Loyal as ever it has been, my left hand hurried to struggle and reason with my right. So must have Jacob strove with the angel, and Michael and his heavenly host against Lucifer and his dark demons of below.
Employing my prerogative as master of my corporeal self, I proceeded to alleviate the irritation by swerving my obedient arm and thereby maneuvering the traitorous growth off my right wrist to the mortification of being sat upon.
In such an arrangement it soon surrendered, but I, not content with this lesson, determined to see the punishment through. I was, perhaps, overzealous in this aim as my hand then expired, and further efforts to revive it proved fruitless.
In some dismay at this development, I nevertheless resolutely decided that all was for the best, and set about my usual duties.
These showed themselves to be more difficult to accomplish than previously, when I had the use of both hands. Notwithstanding, I continued in a determinedly spirited fashion until the reality of things became too apparent to ignore.
Accustomed to the idle weight of my right hand to holding down a paper, my elbow now presumed to grind onto a shamelessly writhing, squirming sheet as I untiringly applied ink to its white plane. All of this activity did not leave me unmoved, and suffice to say all involved emerged disordered and the morally worse for the experience.
In the reading of books I have in the past found great pleasure; now, it was to be the supreme trial of self-will. The starch newness of the pages and their maddening proclivity to snap closed frequently tried my patience as my newly single left hand fought valiantly to keep it open.
Needless to relate that this state of affairs could not, like a bad soap opera, go on. The regretful arrangement to which I had subjected myself I longed to be rid of, and I yearned to hold once again the prior understanding that had lent to a more successful existence than now.
Providence heard my cries. At that moment, like a Pinocchio mysteriously drowned though made of wood, and then roused to life, my right hand surged to tingling awareness and not a little discomfort as it rediscovered feeling.“Yes! Awake, my child, my real boy! You have come back to me as a prodigal son, and I would welcome you with two arms if you were not already attached to one of them! Ah, my love and forgiveness delve deep as the sea, and never again shall we part, no, not if some villainous knife should cleave us.”
“Because that sort of incident, clearly unpleasant for those affected, would have no greater consequences.” So grumpily returned my right hand, flexing experimentally and wondering anew at the marvelous length of its slim fingers, the pale coral pink of its delicate nails, which wanted but a little paring to render them perfection, and so on in this vein.
But I thrilled to even this uncivilized manner, and felt the happier because my wayward hand had seemingly forgotten of our former dispute, and was content in its proper place.
And so peace returned, harmony restored, I set out to achieve the highest limits of academic excellence.Presently, my nose began to itch.Labels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {8:04 PM}
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"Damp brown dirt ripples gently
Swelling into rounded curve s
Malleable contours and flowing lines
A languidly reclining, breathing creature
Gossamer webs shimmer gently
Blinking in the nascent light of dawn
Mossy green adorns the warming russet
Crowing the head of earth
Soft as the clouds floating above
Fine as white dandelions
Festooning the swaying meadow
Glossy sepia heads brush inquiringly
Overhanging blades of green
Lo! The ground yawns, cavity gaping open
Hollow eyes collapse
Into misshapen nostrils
The glazed back of a beetle
Surges to the surface"Labels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {8:04 PM}
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Ate a bread that had milk, swelled up, and whisked off to the emergency room.
The doctor said he'd never seen a case as bad as mine on someone so young, and he's been working 25 years.
LOL. I wish he'd seen me the last time. Now THAT was something to freak out about. I was not only a toasted lobster, I was like a red, warty toad.
Congrats on all your summer successes, Joy! They are very inspiring. :)
I am currently lying in bed feeling terribly unwell. There is no way I would have the energy to do everything that you are involved in. Gggrrhhh...
Sheena, you'd better be having fun in London or we're suffering from the loss of your presence for nothing!
Watched "Fantastic Four", the not so fantastic movie. It was decent...but absolutely no chemistry. Something major, like charisma, was missing.
Anyway...toodles,
~WinnieLabels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {8:03 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {8:01 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {7:25 PM}
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Life and Death
Stare grimly at one another
Ineradicable barriers between them
Bridged only by the soul
Death boasted that she had
In her domain
A much larger population
Whereupon Life bragged of a making
Called Reincarnation
When a man dies, it is wished that he lived
And as another continues on without cease
His heirs piously pray for an end
So fragile and uncertain is life
And yet it continues
A conclusion is sure and comes to all
Causing despair to some, a joy to others
But if it came not, youth would fail
Strong tall bodies stooping over
Until their heads pressed to the ground
In homage of mortality
And their eyes set on level with desiccated toes
And so here stand Life and Death
Both comely but hideous, just yet discriminatory
They have found a common interest—
--Man
Vigorous now, soon to die
Yes, now, openly declaring that
Fate has but an empty power
Death is a whining relative
Impossible to keep from visiting
Then
Life a heavy burden placed upon
One’s shoulders and strapped securely
As he grew older; gray sprouted on
Skin speckled as an egg
Brown eyes dimmed in a thin rim
Of watery blistered blue
Rubbery lips pulled back from toothless gums
Mumbling that he would gladly adore Life if
At the end he could pay court to Death
The competitors fought for
His favor
Dribbling noisily he croaked that
He would like one more day
To possess Life
Death would have him for eternityLabels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {7:19 PM}
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“Let us say, for argument's sake, that there is a world in which Order reigns-”
“-not this one, obviously-”
“-and Good and Evil are evenly matched. Furthermore,” he continued determinedly, “in the end, Good must triumph, because otherwise we are doomed, and I as long as I draw breath I shall not accept that!”
“When in doubt, an obstinate refusal to see truth shall conquer the day. I think not."Labels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {7:17 PM}
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Okay.
I'm concentrating on 3 parts of a longer story, Testimony of the Dead.
1. Denied Redemption
Main characters: Camarie (Arie), Kyros, Elan, Li.
Secondary characters: Faolan, Lael, Aitana, Michele
DR starts out with Part One: Camarie. It begins as a coming of age story with a talented but emotionally weak female protagonist. She and her twin brother Li are born of both Halcyon and Aureolian parents. They lived in a scanty village in the unwelcome, ungracious land outside of the capital Aureole.
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Note - Halcyon were a glorious golden people who in the past created the largest empire the world has known. They allied with the demons against the Lesser People, who in turn made a pact with the spirits (elements, plants, animals). However, the Lesser People didn't think the odds were good, so they made another
agreement with the gods, which entailed that the gods would be on their side if the Lesser People
consented to have their former allies, the spirits, sent to hell because the gods were afraid of their power.
The Lesser People won the war, and became the Aureolians (the Limber), while the Halcyon (once the Great), who once had brute strength and might, degenerated as a people. Hundreds of years later DR begins.
The Aureolians are a supple, flexible people who are known for their cunning and cleverness.
~~~~~~~~
Li and Camarie's father was abusive and a drunkard, while the mother was sickly, so the twins left home at an early age and joined a group of gypsy-like people. After some disagreement over what was owed, Li and Camarie left again and arrived at the capital of Aureole.
Having learned some tricks, they performed for people in the streets and thereby earned some money. A few chapters dedicated to their lives: a fire, market day, public execution, Halcyon horse-stock show, New Year, etc.
Entertainment in the streets is banned because it clogs up traffic. Camarie becomes a prostitute, and Li a “model” for artists, for whom he does more than just posturing.
During this time, the Halcyon and the Brosians are plotting against the Aureolians because they both have a grudge against them.
~~~~~
Brosians have divine blood in their veins. They’re a beautiful, physically frail people who have immense spiritual and mental powers. They look down on everyone else and rule an empire of conquered peoples, not of those of divine blood like themselves. Only the ruling family and nobles are god-like.
They began as a cast-off group of godlings who everyone ostracized, but eventually came together, realized their powers, and overcame others.
~~~~~
10 years ago, an alliance between the Brosians and Aureolians were attempted. King Cairbre of Aureole sent his sister Calista as a wife to the Brosian Emperor Naveen. They had a son, Elan. However, Calista was assassinated by those at court who desperately wanted a war with the Aureolians. Feeling he could not protect his son, Naveen sent his son to the wilderness with three guards and five priestesses to tend for his needs.
Back to the present. A few chapters dedicated to explaining life in the palace and Kyros’ (crown prince) and Aitana’s (sister, princess) character. A noble wedding, a royal death, incompetence, luxuries, etc.
Li and Camarie know a haphazard fighting style they picked up from everywhere they’ve been. Li taught it to Camarie, and although she’s more of a dancer and gymnast, she can adapt.
Camarie wins a martial arts contest, and becomes Kyros’ teacher (the Aureolians are very liberal in that they allow their women nearly equal status, while the Halcyon treat their women as beasts of burden and the Brosians pretend females can do nothing but look lovely). Camarie and Li surreptitiously learn to read and write. Kyros turns out to be a prodigy in martial arts, albeit an unbearably loud and arrogant one.
A treacherous advisor (present king’s brother) hopes to kill Cairbre and become regent, manipulating the weak Kyros. His plan fails, and he blames Camarie and Li. Kyros is confined to his rooms. The twins are thrown in prison awaiting execution.
They escape and head out to sea and become separated during a storm. Knowing only that the other is still alive, they search for one another. Li assumes that Camarie went to capital of Brose and goes there; however, she ran to the Brosian wilderness. She finds Elan, and swears to take care of him when her pursuers catch up to her and kill all of Elan’s caretakers.
~~~~~
To protect his identity and his life, the Brosian gods took away Elan’s mind, leaving him trapped within a child’s limitations, the age when he was sent away. He is now 17, but is unable to think as one.
~~~~~
As Li travels thru Brose, the emperor (not Elan’s father, he already ascended to become a god) gets his hand on a statue of Li (from artisans’ modeling) and thinks how great it would be to have the real thing. So Li has to dodge the Brosian government as well as the Aureolian.
Kyros also escaped from his rooms and, dressing as a woman, searched for Camarie.
Kyros and Camarie are reunited just as a plague strikes Aureole, encouraged by Brose. Kyros becomes ill and Camarie tends to him, then their situation reverses. Their relationship builds.
Li and Camarie reunite. They hear that their father died of the plague and that their mother died years before. Li and Kyros both disapprove of Elan because he is such a handicap to Camarie, but Camarie stubbornly keeps him.
Li and Aitana (Kyros’ sister) fall in love. However, Aitana is sent by Kyros (who becomes king because his parents and many of the court also died of the plague) to become Hiero’s (boy emperor of Brose, who wanted Li to add to his pretty collection) concubine. The boy is so pleased with his gift that he ignores his advisors, who want a war with Aureole. Because Camarie escorted Aitana to Brose, Li never forgives either Kyros or Camarie. He leaves to wander.
Camarie and Kyros are together, and she and Elan move into the palace. Elan starts showing signs of mental instability. Kyros dislikes him because he thinks Elan is smarter than he lets on. An idyllic time – Camarie sleeps with Kyros, plays with Elan, etc.
Li, Camarie, Kyros, Elan cease to age, for reasons unknown at this time.
The Brosian Emperor Hiero has grown to be a man, Aitana has died, and Brose finds it’s time again to attack Aureole (Brose is a mighty empire and Aureole is a small country almost directly on its borders). They use the pretense of Aureole harboring a threat to the Brosian throne (Elan) to offer war.
Kyros must marry a princess, Hadassah, from a neighboring country in order to create a coalition strong enough to fend off the Brosians. Camarie, strangely enough, becomes Hadassah’s servant and has to listen to Hadassah gripe and complain about Kyros’ harlot. Camarie becomes pregnant, Hadassah finds out Camarie’s real identity, and Camarie soon runs away with Elan to a place called Haven.
Since its creation, Haven has always been a sanctuary for the chosen of those who seek it.
Kyros searches for Camarie but cannot find her. When he does, he is not allowed into Haven and cannot invade it for fear of war with surrounding countries, who have pledged their help to it in times of need.
Camarie and Elan rest for a time in Haven. Camarie has a son, Dae. Still with the mind of a child, Elan becomes jealous and kidnaps Dae, intending to kill him. However, he cannot do it, and leaves him on the steps on a hut in some village.
Camarie looks for Dae, but cannot find him.
Elan wanders, lost, until a brotherhood of priests find him. Because the mentally retarded/insane are regarded as touched by the gods, they take Elan to force divine answers from him (they do not know of his true identity). Elan eventually kills his tormentors. Because they were priests, the gods punish him by restoring his mind. He goes insane and kills more people, earning himself the name God of Death because he’s caused so much destruction.
Li finds Dae, realizes him to be Camarie’s son, and from old loyalties brings him to Kyros because he doesn’t know where Camarie is (no, the cell-phone was not invented yet). Their way is perilous and filled with danger, but Li protects Dae nearly at the cost of his life.
Li succeeds in bringing Dae to Kyros, but Kyros doesn’t recognize his son. Camarie dresses as an old man (Kyros doesn’t know her either) and becomes the teacher of martial arts novices at the palace. Dae joins their ranks.
Elan wanders again, killing any who cross his path, and eventually ends up at the palace and tries to kill Kyros (as a former object of Camarie’s affections).
Resolution unresolved.
Li, Elan, Kyros, and Camarie part ways.
Li’s Section. Seemingly random adventures that continually push Li, Camarie, Kyros, and Elan into each other.
The East has fragmented into colors. Halcyon, Brose, and Aureole are gone. Kyros is green, a justice-seeker. Camarie is yellow, a healer. Elan is light blue, a wanderer. Li is red, a nearly peerless warrior.
Red wants to be the most powerful group. Black and White are the most prominent, but they fight too much amongst themselves and are falling from their pedestals.
Dae, Kyros and Camarie’s son, has created this new world order. He is the one pulling the strings, and his true allies/enemies are the Stellars. Stellars (tentative name) are vengeance spirits who inhabit random bodies and maintain order and uphold the laws. They are his enemies because they keep Dae to his word and he cannot cross them.
Red suddenly attacks Blue without warning. They issue an ultimatum: one warrior from each color come forth and fight. If Blue wins, the Red will give the Blue a month to prepare then attack again. If Red wins, they will wipe out all the Blue. This leads to a fight between Elan and Li Elan loses badly, but Li declares that he is the one who has lost and retreats. The Red commander becomes angry and is about to cut off Elan’s head when a Stellar appears and cuts off his head because it is dishonorable to interfere in a fight that is not his.
Because of this incident and because so many Red are jealous of Li’s meteoric rise, lies are spread about him and Li is pounced upon by his enemies. He manages to escape and crawls, incidentally, to Camarie’s feet. She tends to him.
Li goes on trial for his crimes, despite his recent good acts. Camarie defends him.
Kyros and Li search for strange mirrors that are hypnotizing people but cannot be taken away from them because then the people will die. Li gains power over demons.
More mishaps and adventures happen…
Camarie is taken hostage, and Kyros rescue her. Camarie gains power over demons as well.
These and other odd events are precursors to a war between the color groups (this is not a racist statement!)
At the end, Dae challenges Kyros, Li, and Elan for a final battle to determine the winner of deciding the East-order. Kyros is reluctant to fight his own son, but consents. Li is anxious to allow people to live as they will, which they cannot as things are. Elan, a self-proclaimed coward, flat-out refuses.
Resolution unresolved.
Hallo,
I was reading over your questionnaire answers, and all I can really say is that it sounds like an intriguingly original, quirky work. You answer succinctly and well, and if I read your summary on the back of a book I would read it. Is there anything I should comment on?
You clearly know more of what you're doing than I do. :) I was telling my sister how I was stumped by your basic questions, and she warned me not to lose you! ^_-
So you kill all your main characters. Fair enough. Which death scene do you obsess the most on? How does it happen and why? Why is is interesting to you?
I obsess on the deaths of Elan, Lycoris, and Merle.
Elan - He has true sight; he can see the future that is permanent. Others have the changing sight; the future is not set in stone.
I’m interested in his death because he makes the first throw in a game in which everyone loses. Camarie dies inside because of his death, Kyros is spiritually defeated, and Li is brought face-to-face with his mortality (note to self – must include more Li).
Elan’s section. Kyros fights against the Brosian-successors, those people with perhaps a smidgen of divine blood in them but who claim godhood. He and Camarie have gotten back together.
After discovering that Camarie is more selfish than altruistic, more homebody than breadwinner, Kyros leaves Camarie. Elan finds her, broken and emotionally dead. He cares for her, much as she did for him. In a burst of overwhelming feeling she does not at the moment realize she will experience for the rest of her life, Camarie gives Elan a gold bracelet Li fashioned for her in brotherly affection (he’s wonderful with his hands) as a token of her gratitude and eternal love.
After ensuring that she is relatively all right, Elan leaves Camarie to think about their relationship, or lack thereof, because Camarie still pines for Kyros.
The goddess Michele, the shining symbol of the East, speaks with Elan about his heritage and his destiny. As Kyros is soon fated to die, she believes this is the perfect opportunity to take his place as Lord of Men, rule the East, and conquer the West. Elan thinks on their conversation.
Elan finds Kyros. He spies for him among the BS as an ancient relic of old Brosian times during their heyday. He cares for the old emperor, who is dying of a foul, terminal disease, and for this, the emperor loves him more than his own son. The son hates Elan. The daughter adores him. Almost everyone admires and respects him. This is the only place Elan has ever been completely accepted for what he is. The son discovers Elan’s duplicity and nearly kills him. However, the old emperor, out of his great love for Elan, allows him to escape and dies shortly afterward. His son, who bitterly hates Kyros, becomes emperor. Elan returns to Kyros.
Kyros and Elan have a conversation, during which Kyros impresses Elan with his superiority to other men. The princess sneaks into Kyros’ camp at the risk of her own life in order to see Elan and get some answers. Elan learns that Kyros is supposed to die. Elan then leaves and makes a deal with Fate to exchange his life for Kyros. It turns out that their lives even out, that they would have made equally great impact on destiny (I’m going to make this make sense. Really).
Kyros and Elan become separated from Kyros’ men and are on the run from a large detachment of the enemy. They escape underground, where they discover lives a dangerous man-eating monster with children. The two come face-to-face with the monster, and for one of the few times in his life, Kyros is afraid because he sees his death in the monster’s human face but animal body. No one except Li and Camarie has ever defeated him in a single battle.
They run and the monster gives chase, but they escape. Kyros becomes injured in a rock fall saving Elan. Elan tends to him as best as he can, and, hiding from the monster, they have a talk. (I’m tentatively thinking about a very strange sex scene here as each wonders what Camarie sees in the other. It’s an intense melding of personalities and a discovery of what each of them could have been).
Kyros and Elan come across the monster children and are forced to kill them. The mother finds her dead offspring and goes on a mad rampage. Finally Elan and Kyros are cornered by the monster, and they both realize one of them has to fight the monster while the other finds a way out. The monster is charging, and in its fury is bringing down the caverns. They stare at each other and then Elan runs for the monster and a few moments later Kyros searches for an escape.
The cavern is falling all around them. Kyros runs around, finds an escape route, and comes back in time to see the monster hurl Elan against a rock wall. However, he deals it a fatal blow the instant before, so it soon dies, leaving Kyros and Elan alive, for the moment.
Elan is simply standing there, seemingly oblivious to the chaos all around them, so Kyros pushes Elan ahead of himself and they both run to the outside world, falling unconscious as soon as they arrive.
When Kyros wakes up, Elan has just died moments before from internal injuries. Kyros sits there, numb with shock, and discovers that Elan has placed his precious gold bracelet from Camarie in Kyros’ palm, Elan’s fingers still loosely curled around Kyros’ closed hand.
~~~~~~~~~
2. After Life
Main characters: Thiery, Janus, Lycoris,
Secondary Characters: Bianca, Darius, Aradia, Michele
Hallo,
I was reading over your questionnaire answers, and all I can really say is that it sounds like an intriguingly original, quirky work. You answer succinctly and well, and if I read your summary on the back of a book I would read it. Is there anything I should comment on?
You clearly know more of what you're doing than I do. :) I was telling my sister how I was stumped by your basic questions, and she warned me not to lose you! ^_-
So you kill all your main characters. Fair enough. Which death scene do you obsess the most on? How does it happen and why? Why is is interesting to you?
I obsess on the deaths of Elan, Lycoris, and Merle. I’ll bore you with the lives and deaths of Elan and Lycoris, but save Merle for later in case you don’t want to hear anymore. Also, I haven’t filled him out as much as the others.
Elan - He has true sight; he can see the future that is permanent. Others have the changing sight; the future is not set in stone.
I’m interested in his death because he makes the first throw in a game in which everyone loses. Camarie dies inside because of his death, Kyros is spiritually defeated, and Li is brought face-to-face with his mortality (note to self – must include more Li).
Elan’s section. Kyros fights against the Brosian-successors, those people with perhaps a smidgen of divine blood in them but who claim godhood. He and Camarie have gotten back together.
After discovering that Camarie is more selfish than altruistic, more homebody than breadwinner, Kyros leaves Camarie. Elan finds her, broken and emotionally dead. He cares for her, much as she did for him. In a burst of overwhelming feeling she does not at the moment realize she will experience for the rest of her life, Camarie gives Elan a gold bracelet Li fashioned for her in brotherly affection (he’s wonderful with his hands) as a token of her gratitude and eternal love.
After ensuring that she is relatively all right, Elan leaves Camarie to think about their relationship, or lack thereof, because Camarie still pines for Kyros.
The goddess Michele, the shining symbol of the East, speaks with Elan about his heritage and his destiny. As Kyros is soon fated to die, she believes this is the perfect opportunity to take his place as Lord of Men, rule the East, and conquer the West. Elan thinks on their conversation.
Elan finds Kyros. He spies for him among the BS as an ancient relic of old Brosian times during their heyday. He cares for the old emperor, who is dying of a foul, terminal disease, and for this, the emperor loves him more than his own son. The son hates Elan. The daughter adores him. Almost everyone admires and respects him. This is the only place Elan has ever been completely accepted for what he is. The son discovers Elan’s duplicity and nearly kills him. However, the old emperor, out of his great love for Elan, allows him to escape and dies shortly afterward. His son, who bitterly hates Kyros, becomes emperor. Elan returns to Kyros.
Kyros and Elan have a conversation, during which Kyros impresses Elan with his superiority to other men. The princess sneaks into Kyros’ camp at the risk of her own life in order to see Elan and get some answers. Elan learns that Kyros is supposed to die. Elan then leaves and makes a deal with Fate to exchange his life for Kyros. It turns out that their lives even out, that they would have made equally great impact on destiny (I’m going to make this make sense. Really).
Kyros and Elan become separated from Kyros’ men and are on the run from a large detachment of the enemy. They escape underground, where they discover lives a dangerous man-eating monster with children. The two come face-to-face with the monster, and for one of the few times in his life, Kyros is afraid because he sees his death in the monster’s human face but animal body. No one except Li and Camarie has ever defeated him in a single battle.
They run and the monster gives chase, but they escape. Kyros becomes injured in a rock fall saving Elan. Elan tends to him as best as he can, and, hiding from the monster, they have a talk. (I’m tentatively thinking about a very strange sex scene here as each wonders what Camarie sees in the other. It’s an intense melding of personalities and a discovery of what each of them could have been).
Kyros and Elan come across the monster children and are forced to kill them. The mother finds her dead offspring and goes on a mad rampage. Finally Elan and Kyros are cornered by the monster, and they both realize one of them has to fight the monster while the other finds a way out. The monster is charging, and in its fury is bringing down the caverns. They stare at each other and then Elan runs for the monster and a few moments later Kyros searches for an escape.
The cavern is falling all around them. Kyros runs around, finds an escape route, and comes back in time to see the monster hurl Elan against a rock wall. However, he deals it a fatal blow the instant before, so it soon dies, leaving Kyros and Elan alive, for the moment.
Elan is simply standing there, seemingly oblivious to the chaos all around them, so Kyros pushes Elan ahead of himself and they both run to the outside world, falling unconscious as soon as they arrive.
When Kyros wakes up, Elan has just died moments before from internal injuries. Kyros sits there, numb with shock, and discovers that Elan has placed his precious gold bracelet from Camarie in Kyros’ palm, Elan’s fingers still loosely curled around Kyros’ closed hand.
~~~~~~~~~
Hundreds of years later.
Lycoris is a sickly young king who dies of illness. He is the younger brother of Thiery, once the crown prince of _________ who was exiled by his father because he possessed too much intelligence and talent. Thiery and Lycoris are the only brothers of the same mother and are very close.
When he was a young boy, Thiery found a simple but exquisitely wrought gold bracelet (the same one as Camarie’s. That makes sense somehow) in the treasury. He was beaten for trespassing, but kept it, and before he left, gave it to Lycoris. Lycoris keeps this jewelry as a treasured memento of his beloved older brother.
Thiery has an entire history, but I can stick to saying here that he meets a young boy, Janus, whom he befriends. Thiery is later falsely executed for espionage for the West, and thereafter, perhaps strangely, Janus hates the West with all of his being and is unwaveringly loyal to the East. Before he dies, Janus promises him that he will take care of Lycoris because Thiery has always been afraid that Lycoris, intelligent but emotionally weak, will be manipulated by their father to be a sick perversion like him.
Janus travels to the palace and becomes Lycoris’ personal bodyguard. The young prince has become intensely religious and prejudiced (a stuck-up little snot), and Janus cannot see anything like Thiery in him. Despite this, the king is growing to fear Lycoris because of his abilities and his youth, and when a discontented mob attacks the palace, the father leaves Lycoris to die. Janus saves him by knocking him unconscious and putting him into a bloodied sack to pretend he is a bag of spoils taken from a stubborn victim and pretending to go along with the intruders.
The king regains power and pretends to mourn the death of his son Lycoris, but secretly rejoices and plans for his near-retarded, spoiled favorite son to ascend the throne after him.
Janus and Lycoris embark on a three year journey, meandering aimlessly and well away from the king and the palace. They meet some interesting characters along the way and bicker and fight as they go, and finally, Lycoris, afraid that he is getting attached to a mere peasant (Janus is a farmer’s son), tries to leave and promptly gets captured by a pirate.
Janus has to rescue him, but gets hit by a poisoned dart and becomes blind and deaf. Suffering an extreme attack of conscience, Lycoris tries to find him a doctor. However, they all say it’s a lost case for Janus and that he will remain so for the rest of his life. For a great warrior like Janus (taught by Thiery) being so physically crippled is his worst nightmare and he feels he would rather die. Lycoris refuses to give up. But now they have no money and without Janus, no way of earning more quickly.
Lycoris pleads for an audience with the most eminent doctor (and most expensive), but the secretary doesn’t let him through, due to his ragged appearance. Desperate, because the doctor is due to leave for another faraway city the next day, Lycoris accosts the doctor’s daughter as she ventures outside her home to buy some trinkets. At first she refuses to pay attention to him and nearly denounces him as an insane beggar littering the streets, a crime punishable by being thrown into the madhouse (a horrible prison no one ever leaves alive). As he persistently pleads, however, she takes pity on him and gets her father to talk with Lycoris.
The doctor is reluctant to treat Janus because Lycoris has no money. Lycoris tells him that he can read and write and speaks many languages. By this, and the expensive bracelet on Lycoris’ wrist, the doctor deduces that this is not an ordinary poor boy. At last the doctor agrees, for the price of Lycoris’ skills and bracelet. After a long moment of struggle, Lycoris gives the latter over. The doctor also agrees to delay his vacation journey. The doctor gives the bracelet to his daughter, who, once she sees the handsome, golden Janus, becomes infatuated with him and gives it to him. Janus, once cured, thinks that Lycoris fell in love with the girl and thoughtlessly gave it to her as a lovelorn gift. He puts it in his pack and intends to give it back to Lycoris, but forgets.
They return to the palace. The king, never popular, has become immensely hated for his extravagances and slovenly ruling, and does not dare to get rid of Lycoris, yet. Lycoris proves himself extremely capable in leadership roles and slowly takes on more and more responsibility. Eventually he forces his father to step down, and the people accept him.
Close advisors, who are aware of just how frail Lycoris’ health is, urge him to get a wife. He demurs at first, then at Janus’ insistence (Janus believes his obsession with the responsibilities of kingship is killing him, and that a woman will ease his burdens) agrees and makes an alliance with a neighboring country.
The princess Bianca arrives, or so she seems. She is a darkly gorgeous woman, a bewitching beauty who causes all men (and women) to melt before her. In reality, she is a Western witch (rudimentary) who has disposed of the true princess and taken her place. Her superiors are Western leaders who want Eastern countries to fail from within so the Westerners can easily take them over without much bloodshed on their part. Janus is immediately infatuated with her (potions, perfumes, etc), and by now almost totally dependent on Janus as his only companion, Lycoris grants his blessing on the liaison between his wife and friend. As Lycoris is asexual (or homosexual) this arrangement supposedly does not affect him.
Lots of mad crazy sex between Janus and Aradia. Aradia gets a guard of the palace, Tahmores, on her side.
Aradia (the witch) is commanded by her superiors to break up the friendship between Janus and Lycoris, because it is fairly well-known that Lycoris is devoted to Janus, who genuinely cares for him in return but does not realize how much until it is too late. Aradia gets Janus to give Lycoris bad advice on governing, which Lycoris fortunately disregards. When it comes to his country, Lycoris is unshakeable, even by Janus. Then Aradia whispers lies about Lycoris to Janus.
Nothing seems to mar Lycoris’ ruling ability (although the strain on his weak physical constitution is telling on him), and Aradia’s superiors are getting impatient. Wearing an especially potent perfume, she seduces Lycoris, and artfully times their little session at the same moment Janus enters the room. Janus storms out of the room, and Lycoris runs after him despite raging, awakened teenage hormones. Janus yells at Lycoris for betraying his trust, and Lycoris, perhaps unwisely, doesn’t call him out on it. Lycoris asks Janus why their relationship has been falling apart, but Janus cannot answer and turns to go to his room. Lycoris tries to reason with him, but Janus impatiently pushes him out of the way and leaves.
It is New Year’s eve, and the palace is nearly empty, as almost everyone has gone out to celebrate the occasion.
After he recovers from his fall, Lycoris rushes after Janus and knocks against Janus’ door, begging his friend to forgive him. Janus doesn’t respond, and Lycoris has a nervous breakdown. One of the palace guards (now Aradia’s creature) manages to lead him to the witch’s apartments, where Aradia does her temptress thing and Lycoris falls for it. They have mad crazy sex.
For some grievance, the guard has a grudge against Lycoris and a few of his companions beat him almost to death. Aradia tries to stop them, but the guard Tahmores hits her and she gets knocked out.
Janus, determined to leave once and for all, doesn’t notice that the begging and knocking has stopped. As he rummages through his pack, he finds the bracelet, and the obsessed fog in his mind suddenly clears. He can’t believe all the things he’s done and flings the door open to apologize fervently to Lycoris. But Lycoris isn’t there, and Janus runs wildly around, looking for him. He finally thinks of Aradia’s rooms. Janus sees the scenarios, goes into a desperate rage as the guards block his way, and cleaves Tahmores in two and quickly dispatches the rest. He runs over to Lycoris, but his friend is dying quickly. Janus cries out to the goddess Michele that he will pledge his existence to her if she saves Lycoris, and she appears, warning him that if he breaks his oath, he will die an incredibly shameful and agonizing death. He agrees, and she keeps her word.
A few days later, Lycoris wakes up and remembers everything. He banishes Aradia even though she claims to know she has conceived and will bear his son. He can’t stand the sight of Janus, but Janus begs and pleads for a chance to prove his loyalty, so Lycoris sends him to find the true princess Bianca.
Aradia couldn’t kill her as her superiors had ordered, so she had her sent to a remote abbey. Janus finds her and brings her back. On the journey, she and Janus become more than a little attached to each other. Lycoris receives her coldly and dismisses her, as he now distrusts everyone.
Janus and Lycoris quarrel over Lycoris’ decision to open up his country to Western immigrants and trade. Janus leaves. Now that he is gone, Lycoris and Bianca slowly become closer.
A Western general, Melaney, comes and takes charge of the country as his reward for many years of faithful service. His son, who had met Thiery and become fond of Easterners, converted and went against his own father and people. The last thing Melaney saw of his son was his dead body on the battlefield, so now he’s a very bitter man. The general knows nothing of ruling and thinks only of his army, so he sets about undoing everything Lycoris has done. Mentally distraught over Janus’ absence but refusing to outwardly show it, Lycoris feels he has no strength to fight him.
Bianca yells at Lycoris for being a weakling and says that he won’t ever be the man Janus is. Lycoris stares at the wall and thinks that she’s right. He sets about writing a letter to Janus, which never arrives. Melaney appears with another change in law, and this time Lycoris refuses his signature. Melaney becomes enraged and there is a fierce argument. Bianca comes in and sees that Melaney is going to hit Lycoris, so she gets in the way and is thrown to the ground. Lycoris tries to protect her and gets a concussion for his pains.
Melaney sees his dead son flash before his eyes. Things happen, and eventually, as Lycoris convalescences and the general sees how he’s trying his hardest to ensure the best for his people as Melaney’s son once tried for the East, Melaney sees Lycoris as his son.
Lycoris, always sickly, becomes seriously ill and no doctor can treat him. He slowly deteriorates, and eventually is forced to take to his bed. From there he instructs Bianca in what he knows of state and government. One day, near dawn, he gets up to his desk and begins writing a letter of farewell to Janus.
Bianca finds him at his desk and smiles to herself, thinking that he has fallen asleep, as he often does. As the sun rises and he does not move, she discovers that he is dead. At the news, Melaney goes back to die in the West.
Janus hears of the king’s death and races to the palace, all injuries, imagined and real, forgotten. He finds the letter and collapses in grief.
3. Sacred Scion
Main characters: Janus, Merle, Eden, Aya, Farren, Etienne,
Secondary characters: Shan, Ren, Jinn, MicheleLabels: writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {7:15 PM}
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gungrave
weiss kreuz
gravitation *
Yami no Matsuei *
Saiyuki / pretty
Sukisho / pretty
Kino's Journey
wolf's rain / pretty
samurai champloo *
Final Fantasy
Kingdom Hearts
Yu Yu Hakusho
R.O.D. - Read or Die / pretty
loveless *
kenshin *
outlaw star
full metal / pretty
rahxephonb / pretty
paranoia agent / pretty
get backers
fullmetal / pretty
cowboy bebop
Orphen
sakura diaries
the last exile / pretty
Neon Genesis Evangelion -
Escaflowne
fruits basket
Please Teacher - Hot for Teacher
Please Twins - Three's Company
Figure 17
Key the Metal Idol
Kiddy Grade - The Peacekeeper
peacemaker / pretty
Gungrave
s-CRY-ed
The Big O
Gantz
chobits / pretty
sakura diaries
Hikaru no Go
Kyo Kara Maoh
slayers
Haibane Renmei
Full Metal Panic!
FLCL
Pretear
Ai Yori Aoshi - Faithfully Yours
Fancy Lala
Tenchi Muyo
fake
prince of tennis
trigun
witch hunter robin -
bleach -
ayashi no ceres / pretty
DN Angel
.hack//SIGN
twelve kingdoms / pretty
The Last Exile / pretty
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {7:14 PM}
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The Unexpected Truth
“I love you, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka said sweetly, his wide green eyes trusting.
I’ve always dreamed impossible dreams … But this was beyond my wildest expectations. In fact, it was downright unsettling.
I spit out my pastry, an occurrence unheard of since … when had it happened? I couldn’t help it-the words were so unforeseen, and as the seconds ticked by after my little reaction, I realized my surprise wasn’t assisting with the whole welcoming and happy idea.
“I love you, too,” I blurted along with some food, which I hastily wiped from my face. Suddenly peace assailed me, along with doubts. I did care for Hisoka, definitely. But was this the Hisoka I loved?
~~~~~~~
“Baka! Stop sleeping and wake up!” Hisoka whacked me on the head with a book. I cringed. The thing was heavy, damn it, and I had been having a rather nice dream, no thanks to Hisoka for asking.
“Sorry!” I said groggily. “What time is it?” I turned on my puppy mode half power, eyes big and shining, tail wagging in a vain attempt to placate him.
Inwardly I grimaced, imagining the picture I must present-tumbled covers, blankets hanging onto the floor, wrinkled pajamas spotted with sheep prancing about. To the ever-neat and tidy Hisoka, this had to be a nightmare come to life-well, death. I know the jokes about being dead are overused at JoOhChou, but they’re still amusing, especially to my apparently juvenile sense of humor, as Hisoka never fails to assure me.
He sighed. “Honestly, Tsuzuki, I don’t know how you survived as long as you did before you died.” We both froze, shocked green eyes staring into equally surprised, pained purple.
Hisoka broke the tense silence. “I-I didn’t-I mean, get up!” He quickly strode away from me, his hands tightly clutching his book to his chest like a shield.
The hurt, tight line of my mouth relaxed. Hisoka never could control what came out of his mouth, whether it was pleasant or less so. “It’s okay, Hisoka!” I sang out. “I know you didn’t mean it. Thanks for waking me up!”
“I just don’t want to be late,” he said gruffly from a safe place near the door, his face set in a blank expression. “Tatsumi-san will yell at me again for not keeping you in line.”
“You’re sixteen! You don’t need to act all grown up and responsible,” I said in bemusement.
Hisoka flinches.
That’s it. We’re both keeping our mouths shut. Glorious quiet between us should reign at all times. I shout to myself that he would be twenty if he were allowed to age. But no, he is forever trapped in an immortal young body.
Uncomfortable silence saunters into the room, right from our busy mouths, which inconveniently pop open at the most unfortunate moments.
“I’m sorry,” I said lamely. “Hisoka-“ I rise, determined to make this right. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
For a second, it looks like he’s going to say something decidedly tactless, but he relents. “Let’s just go. Tatsumi-san will eat us alive--I feel like a cinnamon roll you're looking at.”
“Okay.” I scramble from the messy bed, falling flat on my face for good effect as one side of his mouth twitches. When I look at him, the fond almost-smile is gone. But I knew it was there, and I grin.
~~~~~~~~
We arrived late. It was a forgone conclusion, even though I rushed and fussed about my room, muttering dire threats to all sweets for breakfast. I pulled on socks, shoved them into shoes, thrust my arms into my customary coat-but that wasn’t enough, obviously, for Hisoka, who was scowling and sitting rigidly in his chair.
“What?” I inquired innocently as he glared at me. “We can’t go through this every morning, Hisoka. Your eyes might fall out if you keep that up.”
He spluttered, then his gaze turned to somewhere behind me. I winced and then slowly turned around myself. It was Tatsumi, and his stern expression seemed carved of immovable stone. He was carrying a frightening stack of papers, so alarmingly high I could only peer in terror at his glasses, the only visible part of his face.
Let me clarify. Tatsumi never yells. He just stares at you in a way that makes you want to crawl into a hole and die, preferably swiftly and without much dilly-dally in the process.
“Tsuzuki, Hisoka,” he greeted, his eyes narrow as he puts down the papers on my desk. I eye it in horror. “Good afternoon. Late afternoon, I might add. I might even say early evening, if I felt a little playful, which I think is unlikely. And your excuse today? I stand in breathless anticipation.”
I expected Hisoka to point an accusing finger at me, or sit there coldly as he usually did while Tatsumi chews me out, but instead he says quickly, “I can explain.”
Tatsumi leveled the look on me, and I visibly wilted. Then he turned to Hisoka. “Can you?”
He looked lost, and I suddenly experience a feeling of empathy with him that has nothing to do with his gift transmitting to me. “No.”
“I thought not.” He patted the papers, nearly stroking it the possessive feel of a man with his beloved pet.
“Tatsumi,” I whined. “I’m sure you were worried about us, but there really was no reason. I just got up late, that’s all.”
He adjusted his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Let me assure you, I wasn’t worried at all, just irritated. In fact, I think your goal in death--” See what I mean? The joke affects even Tatsumi- “is to cause me migraines early in the day, or rather, all day.”
I think this the time to angst.
“That’s not our intention at all,” I protested. “I’ve been-“ I think better of it. The events that happened are too painful to use as a weapon.
Something like pain lurked in Tatsumi’s face. Then he said, “If you had not missed the meeting this morning, you would have been informed that you have a new assignment. I thought you might like a change besides paperwork--”
“Yes!” I crowed and then shrink as Hisoka stared at me. His eyes flickered to me, then away. Although he doesn’t show it, I think he’s worried about my ability to handle cases after that fiery incident at Kyoto.
“-but I might be mistaken.”
“No! I mean, no,” I said hurriedly, overjoyed to think of seeing the sun when I’m not squinting at it and wishing it were a little less high in the sky. “Hisoka and I would be glad-Hisoka?”
He’s sitting very still, and his hands are gripped tightly in his lap. “Tsuzuki isn’t ready,” he said. “He should rest.”
“I’ve had enough of lying in bed. And wasn’t it you who dragged me out of it?”
“To do office work. That’s all I thought we would do.”
Tatsumi looked from me to Hisoka, his gaze understanding. “I’ll let you sort that out yourselves, then.” He cast a last look at me, a look filled with tenderness he didn’t think I saw. He left us, and we stared at each other.
“Hisoka,” I said with as much force as I can muster against the achingly vulnerable boy, “I’m fine. Let’s find out what this is about.”
“You’re not ready!” he nearly shouted, and the entire office stopped their work, eyebrows lifted in our direction. “You almost-what if-baka!”
Tatsumi ushered them back to their duties without even reacting, as though he expected the scene that was currently unfolding.
“I need to get out of this,” I said gently. “That’s the only way I can move on. And I want you to come with me as I do.”
“No.”
“But I want you with me,” I whimper. I went into full puppy mode now as I pad over to Hisoka, pawing at his legs. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. “You said-“ I stopped.
“I know what I said,” he said angrily. “But don’t expect-fine. Let’s go. But try not to do anything stupid, although that’s like telling you to stop breathing.”
“But I’m dead-do I breathe?” I couldn’t help it, honestly. Also, I felt the need to break up the awkward silence that wavered between us by saying something extremely silly. It worked, and I inwardly gloated at my own cleverness in my waving idiocy in front of everyone.
He rubbed his temples, light wheat-colored blonde hair falling into his eyes. “Shut up, now, before I stuff something in your face. And it won’t be sweets, either.”
~~~~~~~~
The library was a nice, quiet place to contemplate important matters. So Tsuzuki was snoring.
Hisoka stared at him, torn between exasperation and affectionate tolerance. They were supposed to be finishing their last batch of paperwork before they began their case.
But apparently Tsuzuki had other ideas. So he slept, and Hisoka worked.
He didn’t mind, really. He felt inadequate to do anything other than doing office duty, because on the actual field it was Tsuzuki who did the real work.
Tsuzuki. The man was as sweet as the unhealthy food he consumed on a daily basis, and he was beautiful. So very, very beautiful. And Hisoka … Hisoka would forever remain a coltish sixteen.
Tsuzuki yawned and unconsciously moved closer to Hisoka. Waves of contentment streamed from him.
An explosion resounded through the building, suspiciously from the direction of Watari’s lab.
Praying, as he always did, that he would one day be equal to his partner, if only to be able to protect him, Hisoka looked down at the desk but seeing Tsuzuki’s sleeping face in his mind. He didn’t dare gaze at the man beside him for fear that he would wake and catch Hisoka’s expression.
~~~~~~~~
“Watari-san?” The voice sounded hesitant. “Can I speak with you?”
The genki scientist blinked in confusion at the unexpected question, then leapt at the opportunity of snagging another victim for his laboratory experiments. “Bon! Come in, come in!”
“It’s … it’s about something really important,” Hisoka informed him abruptly after the awkward silence that followed the brief greetings.
Watari smiled. “You wouldn’t happen to want to become a girl, would you?” he asked in a wheedling manner. “It’s very significant. Revolutionary, in fact.”
“Watari-san, I already-” Hisoka caught himself before he could say something rather insensitive. “I didn’t come for that.”
“No? Then-” A horrible thought dawned on Watari. “It isn’t Tsuzuki, is it? Did he turn into a pile of mush after eating too much EXPLAIN? You never know what dead people are capable of nowadays. Before, it was just coming back to life. But now-”
“Watari-san!”
“Sorry! Back to Tsuzuki. Drowned himself in a puddle after drinking? Or he fell on his head again … I swear, that man-”
“No!” Hisoka bellowed with all the force his small body could muster. “I need you!”
The scientist blinked behind his spectacles again, eyes round with happy surprise. “You do? What for?”
Now that he had the chance in his hands, Hisoka juggled it hopelessly without quite knowing what to do with it. Should he confide in Watari-san, or anybody? And what was he trying to say, anyway? He didn’t know himself.
“I’m … I’m not a very nice person,” Hisoka mumbled finally. “People haven’t … they don’t … really like me.”
“Bon! What on earth-”
“I know it’s the truth,” the boy said fiercely. “So don’t try to butter it up in honey sauce.” He stopped. “Oh ….”
Watari cleared his throat. “Yes, well, that’s quite all right. So what do you want me to do? Again, I’ve heard women have calm, peaceful temperaments and-”
“I want to be someone a person can love. I can’t do it by myself, Watari-san. You have to help me.”
The blonde’s brow furrowed. “A love potion, then?”
“No. I don’t want to change anything about this person. This person’s perfect in every way. I just … I just want to be worthy.”
“Let me get this straight.” Watari stared at the boy, who stared back determinedly, though his green eyes were filling with tears. “You want me to change you-“”
“Inside. My personality, or whatever stupid brooding thing it is. I don’t want to be me anymore.”
“Bon, if this special someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then-”
“No! He has to love me! Tsuzuki-” Hisoka swallowed, not even noticing his slip. “I hate myself. I always do something to hurt him, and he just stands there and takes it, over and over again, with that idiotic goofy grin on his face. Not only that, I can’t protect him. I want to, so much, but I can’t. I can’t do anything for him. If not anything else, then at least-”
“Everyone knows you care about him,” Watari said soothingly, his heart going out to the boy, “and everyone also knows he cares about you. Do you want more than that?”
Hisoka thought for a while. Then, “Never mind about him loving me. He would never want me,” Hisoka said quietly. “I’m damaged goods. But I should make him happy.”
“You do realize, Bon, that you’re the partner who’s stuck with him the longest? That’s saying something about his happiness.”
“Of course I want to be with him,” Hisoka said, his face intense. “I want to be with him always. But he’s sorry for me, and I can’t take it. Oh, I don’t know what I want anymore! I’m so confused. Just make me someone else. Please, Watari-san.”
Watari sighed. “Let me guess the rest. You wish you were older, that you could always control what you say, that you could be powerful, and that you were someone Tsuzuki would respect and admire.”
“Yes,” Hisoka whispered, his hands flat on the table and trembling.
“You want to be Tatsumi,” Watari said impassively. “And I can tell you, before I give you some life-changing brew, that he’s not the person Tsuzuki wants you to be. He already has one Tatsumi. Believe me, it’s enough.” As for myself, I’ll have to learn to accept that.
“Watari-san-” The boy bit his lip. "Tsuzuki ... he loves everybody. He can't bear to hurt other people. He wants everyone else's happiness above his own. Case after case, he's cried and broken down. He's so lovable that people will rush to comfort him. He doesn't need me. I know, Watari-san. He wept to Tatsumi-san, not to me. He thought I couldn't handle his pain, and I'm so afraid that he's right. I'll go crazy--I need him so much--"
“Are you really serious about this?” Watari asked resignedly. “He’s wrong, isn’t he?” he inquired of the tiny owl perched on his shoulder. “003, what do you think?”
“Yes,” Hisoka answered, ignoring the side conversation the scientist was having with the bird. An uncomfortable silence followed. “What about Hijiri?” Hisoka asked eagerly.
“Originality, Bon.”
“Anybody, then!”
“Well-” Watari paused. After all, it wasn’t often Watari had a willing subject for his experiments. Damn Tatsumi and his miserly ways …
~~~~~~~
One was a picture of Tsuzuki with his arm around Hisoka, smiling widely as though he was a child who had just gotten his favorite cookie.
"Tsuzuki! Kurosaki! The chief wants to see you."
"Not now ... " I whine, shielding my precious dessert with my body. Terzuma had been eyeing it in a threatening manner, more, I suspected to keep me on edge than any real desire for sweets.
Hisoka and I both knew Muraki is still alive. He was, we suspected--although Hisoka said nothing-responsible for our next job.
I want you more and more, Tsuzuki-san. Give me your body.
Hisoka still had nightmares. He often woke up screaming, and now he had a cause to hate fire as well as sakura blossoms. I had gifted him with one reason. Muraki had given him the other.
I too had dreams, ones from which I awoke panting, my sheets soaked with sweat and other fluids. Muraki had scarred me as surely as if he had branded red marks upon my skin as he had Hisoka.
I have waited, Tsuzuki-san … waited for this moment.
Cool pale hands sliding down my bare chest, white against my darker skin. Warm lips caressing my own unresponsive mouth, nuzzling my neck.
“Here it is,” Konoe announced. “But, Tsuzuki, I’m telling you again that this job isn’t necessary for you and Hisoka to take. In fact, perhaps Hisoka could have a temporary partner and-“
“No,” I rushed to say, somewhat uncomfortable at the thought of Hisoka with someone else. “I’m fine, honestly.”
The case was about a series of people mysteriously dying in hospitals in a frightening number. Some of the patients had been suicidal, but their passing had been terrible agony. Those who had looked forward to leaving their beds had first endured a deteriorating illness before succumbing to the same fate.
This was a sick joke on Muraki’s part, a disgusting parody of what had happened to me and Hisoka. Fury filled me. Why couldn’t he leave us alone?
Feeling, as always, the endless pain, I pasted on a smile and looked at Hisoka, afraid that he would be thinking of his own time there. He was staring at a picture of a young man with dark brown hair and a hopeless expression on his gaunt face.
Hisoka turned away, his eyes narrowed-why? Because he was irritated at the assignment, or … or was he trying not to cry?
I did understand this, and I was touched beyond words at his concern.
He carefully tucked the picture along with the others into his shirt pocket, against his heart. “All right, then. Let’s get it over with,” Hisoka said. He staggered a little as he walked toward the door, but quickly recovered himself and resumed his way.
Worried, I lowered my shields a fraction to see what was happening to him.
Dark and madness.
Despair is my only friend, my constant companion. I cannot be rid of him, for I deserve nothing better than his company. Why … I do not remember, only that I do.
During my life, I faced loneliness, discrimination, and hatred of my own existence. Only in death can I be accepted, be welcomed into oblivion.
I cannot die! Damn it, why can’t I die?
Your body is perfect … no matter what you did, it wouldn’t die.
By the way, Tsuzuki-san, what are you?
What am I? A monster.
I wanted to be with them. I wanted to be human.
Attempts to gouge out my cursed purple eyes. Beautiful, he called them. Embedded amethysts. Demon’s eyes.
Resolutely, I shook the thoughts from my mind and strode over to Hisoka, troubled at what he knew. But he was frowning in annoyance at my slowness, so I left it at that.
Hisoka seemed a little … different, I noted absently as we walked down the street-oh, a bakery!-unusually close to one another. Nicer, somehow. He wasn’t snapping at me, which made me nervous. What was he pondering in that pretty blonde head of his? And did I just think that next to an empath? Oh, God.
“I’m thinking of how lovely the day is,” he replied oddly, and I uncoiled from the pretzel shape I had acquired in anticipation of a smack. “Isn’t it?”
I blinked. “Ah-yes. It’s beautiful.” And it was. In Meifu, where sakura trees were always raining down their pink plumage onto the ground, there was never this haphazardly human appeal.
A blow to my gut from a small fisted hand roused me from my contemplation. “Baka!” he said loudly-there’s my Hisoka. “That’s enough of memorizing the scenery.”
“Waaahhhh …” I protested, rubbing my belly. “You said it first.”
It was only later that I realized he had actually touched me.
~~~~~~
An hour later, I decided to leave Hisoka behind at the hotel and investigate by myself. Hospitals now made me nauseous, and I could imagine what Hisoka felt. It was funny how I often posed as the school nurse.
I am your weakness.
“You’re not ditching me,” he said flatly. My expression must have given it away, because I had made sure to pull up my shields as tightly as I could.
“Aaawww, Hisoka,” I whined. “I just thought you might want to take a break for a while.”
“I think you’re confusing me with someone else.”
“Soka-chan … ”
He stopped dead in his tracks. “What did you call me?”
“Hisoka,” I said quickly to avoid instant second death.
He had a strangely soft smile on his young face, then he frowned darkly. “That was … that was … stupid, baka!” he yelled. “I’m not a little kid, and don’t presume to take liberties with me!”
“Sorry! It was just a slip, Hisoka. Don’t get mad. Hey, cookies!”
I want you safe, Soka-chan. You’re my link to this world, my strength .Don’t you know that?
“No!” For a frozen moment I thought he was responding to my thoughts. Then, “Don’t you dare pull that hangdog expression. You’re not going to die if you don’t go into that cookie shop.”
We really have to stop with the whole dead thing. It’s pathetic. But honestly, in my defense, it's his porcupine personality that causes me to duck the quills.
~~~~~~~~
And ... was Hisoka pouting? If so, he had been doing it for the last half hour. His elbows were propped up on the table and he was leaning on his hands, watching me with a speculative look.
"Hisoka?"
"Yes? Is there something you ... wanted?"
I swallow. "Well, I would like to know why ... uh ... do I have something on my face?"
Hisoka frowned in thought, his nose wrinkling cutely. He wasn't sure whether or not to pile more work on Tsuzuki so that he could stare at him longer, or take his work away so Tsuzuki could relax. The latter won out. Hisoka wanted to be useful, after all.
"Tsuzuki ... let me do the paperwork. You must be tired after fighting with that monster." Hisoka closed his eyes for a moment, replaying the exciting scene before him again. Tsuzuki was so powerful, so sexy, with his black trenchcoat whirling around him as he chanted the ancient spells and called forth his shikigamis.
My eyes bulge. Hisoka offering to do my work? Since when had he not chastised me for not doing anything productive? Actually, recently, when I've fallen asleep at my desk--I'm so tired from the nightmares--I've woken up to find my paperwork done for me. I look at Hisoka as the culprit, but he's always sitting in his chair, busily reading away, and smiling when he sees me.
I glomp him, of course, and he shyly denies anything.
His eyes are so beautiful, Hisoka thought dreamily. Like shining purple lamps.
He misinterprets my silence. "But ... if you stay with me ... you know, keep me company while I work ... I wouldn't mind."
"Sure," I say lamely. "But I really could do it myself--"
He quickly pops a lollipop into my mouth to stem further protests. "Now sit there," he instructed, and just enjoy ..."
Enjoy what? The view? I've always looked at him surrepitiously as we worked, at his intent green eyes set in a pale elfin face. Sighing, I settle back. I wasn't going to complain about this new development. I'd almost developed eyes on my forehead from trying to do my paperwork and gaze at him at the same time.
So they continued their unspoken staring contest when a furious argument was heard and they started.
"Do you enjoy intimidating defenseless people, Tatsumi-san? Does it make you feel powerful? If so, kindly place your sexual frustration in another endeavor. We'd all appreciate it." Everyone gaped. For a moment no one spoke, but they were waiting for the coming confrontation between Tatsumi and Kei.
Then Tsuzuki fell over with an enormous crash, managing to bring his desk down with him. "Ouch!" he said loudly. "That really hurt!"
Playing along, Hisoka swatted him with a stack papers, eliciting another "Ouch! Hisoka, you meanie!"
This incident didn't deter Kei. "What's your response going to be, Tatsumi-san? We're all dying to know."
"Apologize to Tatsumi!" Watari exploded. Then he hesitated, afraid he'd given himself away. "I mean, will you stop with the dead jokes!"
"Tsuzuki--san, will you please sleep with our resident Mr. Stingy? That would clear a lot of things from the atmosphere."
"Will you shut up!" Hisoka shouted, dropping his heavy papers on Tsuzuki's head as he stalked up to Kei, fists clenched.
So far, Tatsumi had uttered nothing. "Well," he said finally. "This is quite a ruckus. And all over a few unpaid bills." He looked pained at that last.
"There should be a show called "Everybody Loves Tsuzuki," Hisoka muttered darkly.
"I refuse to be reassigned," Tsuzuki said flatly. "I'm staying with Hisoka, no matter what."
Hisoka, Tatsumi, and Konoe stared at him. "Tsuzuki ..." they all began.
"I am."
Hisoka slowly stood up, his hands twisted together. "Stop it!" he suddenly shouted. "How can you do this for me?"
Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, and Konoe stared at him. "Hisoka ... " they all began.
"Shut up! I hate you! I hate you for making me love you!" The boy's young, vulnerable face crumpled, and he turned to run. Tsuzuki caught his wrist and nearly dragged him over the table over to himself.
"Sssshhh ..." Tsuzuki crooned, hugging him tightly against his chest. "It's all right, Hisoka."
"I hate you ... I hate you ..." the boy sobbed, clutching at Tsuzuki's coat. Tatsumi and Konoe beat a strategic retreat, Tatsumi casting a sad but understanding look at the scene behind him.
~~~~~~
"Then you can live just for me! I don't want to be alone anymore!" Hisoka cried, his voice choked with tears, muffled as he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest.
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked in shocked wonder.
"I can't lose what's important to me. You are essential, Tsuzuki. You said you should not exist. But what if my life depends on yours? I need you!"
He needs me ...
"I decided a long time ago ... that my place is here. By your side only ... "
Tsuzuki's eyes drifted shut as he clasped the boy closer to him, afraid to believe Hisoka's heartfelt words.
"I won't be separated from you. If you leave this world, I will go with you, wherever that may be."
They remained thus, the man and boy in each others' arms. The fire of Touda crept in crackling tread toward them, licking at their clothes and skin before darkness and shadows claimed them.
~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~
The boy stared down in wonder at the weeping man in his arms, the most powerful shinigami in Meifu who sought the protection of Hisoka's fragile embrace.
Hisoka stuttered as he looked at Tsuzuki. "I ... I don't .. I can't ... the .. I'm disgusting ... and you're so--beautiful--"
"Are you talking about the scars?" Tsuzuki asked gently. "I love you, Hisoka. Those things .. were done to you, and I don't hate you for them. That's wouldn't be fair of me, now would it?" His voice became teasing.
Hisoka shrank back, eyes wide and firmly fixed on the older man's face. "I don't feel whole, Tsuzuki."
"Then let me complete you," Tsuzuki whispered, coming closer and pressing a soft kiss to the boy's mouth.
Hisoka shook his head, tears filling his eyes as he bit his lip. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me."
"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked sleepily.
"Yes?" the man sighed blissfully.
"How did you know what to do?"
Tsuzuki stared up at the ceiling. "I've done it before," he muttered finally.
"With Tatsumi-san?"
"Yes." Among others, most of which he'd like to forget. Muraki ...
"Weren't you the uke?"
Tsuzuki gaped, firmly forgetting the unpleasant memories. "Why--you nosy imp!"
Hisoka looked at him innocently, green eyes blinking. "Do you prefer being on the top or bottom? Or does it depend on whom you're with?"
Tsuzuki spluttered.
Hisoka closed his eyes, suddenly looking very vulnerable. "Are you all right, Tsuzuki?" he asked in a small voice. "Tatsumi-san loves you so much ... now you know everything about me, and it's ugly ... I'll understand if you want to go to him."
"Hisoka ..." he gathered the little bundle of pajamaed Hisoka into his arms. "I want nothing more than this. I could die a happy man now."
"You idiot," Hisoka mumbled into my shirt. "Then we couldn't do--" I could almost feel his blush.
"That?" I supply helpfully.
"You're so dense, Tsuzuki," he murmurs. Before I can take offense, he says, "Dense ... like chocolate."
"The dark is lonely," Hisoka says quietly.
"Especially when you're by yourself," I say with complete seriousness and no hint of joking.
Hisoka closed his eyes, fighting down the bitter traces of fear that wound about him like the intricate scars on his body. But with Tsuzuki, the night with its horrors was no so frightening, after all. He snuggled closer to the long, warm body beside him, and in return Tsuzuki tucked his chin on Hisoka's head to hug him more deeply.
Shadows whispered sleepy contentment into Hisoka's ear.
They slept.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Do you know what I'm really scared of, Tsuzuki?"
"I'm not the empath," I retorted teasingly.
"I--never mind." He turned wide green eyes toward me, and all at once I was afraid. Afraid that what he was feeling wasn't really his feelings at all, but mine.
"Hisoka? Tell me."
"I--I can't."
"Tell me!"
His head snapped up. "Tsuzuki?"
I was breathing hard. It occurred to me that I might become what he was so frightened of. "I'm sorry, Hisoka. I just thought--that you might--"
He leaned forward and laid a small hand on my shoulder. "Why are you so worried, you idiot?" he murmured. "I love the way I feel around you, but completely, absolutely, I love you."
"So what are you scared of?"
He smiled shyly. "The dark. Stay with me?"
I chuckled in fake relief. I knew he wasn't telling me the truth. "So I'll keep the bedmonsters away?"
He shrugged. "They might get scared off when they see what we're doing."
I blink. Hisoka agrees to eat my cooking? What? Before he can change his mind, I hurriedly put the bowl down in front of him and watch closely as he inhales, digs his chopsticks in, and eats.
I practically bounce up and down with excitement. "So? So? How is it?"
Hisoka chews thoughtfully for a moment, then spits it out and carefully washes every last bit of the meal down the sink. "I think I'm going to die now. Goodbye, Tsuzuki. You killed me."
"Wwwaaaaiii!" A fountain of tears sprinkle like a faucet out of my eyes. "Still so mean!"Labels: story, writing, yami no matsuei
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {6:41 PM}
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-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {6:41 PM}
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