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A HIGH LIFE.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
The Unexpected Truth
“I love you, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka said sweetly, his wide green eyes trusting.
I’ve always dreamed impossible dreams … But this was beyond my wildest expectations. In fact, it was downright unsettling.
I spit out my pastry, an occurrence unheard of since … when had it happened? I couldn’t help it-the words were so unforeseen, and as the seconds ticked by after my little reaction, I realized my surprise wasn’t assisting with the whole welcoming and happy idea.
“I love you, too,” I blurted along with some food, which I hastily wiped from my face. Suddenly peace assailed me, along with doubts. I did care for Hisoka, definitely. But was this the Hisoka I loved?
~~~~~~~
“Baka! Stop sleeping and wake up!” Hisoka whacked me on the head with a book. I cringed. The thing was heavy, damn it, and I had been having a rather nice dream, no thanks to Hisoka for asking.
“Sorry!” I said groggily. “What time is it?” I turned on my puppy mode half power, eyes big and shining, tail wagging in a vain attempt to placate him.
Inwardly I grimaced, imagining the picture I must present-tumbled covers, blankets hanging onto the floor, wrinkled pajamas spotted with sheep prancing about. To the ever-neat and tidy Hisoka, this had to be a nightmare come to life-well, death. I know the jokes about being dead are overused at JoOhChou, but they’re still amusing, especially to my apparently juvenile sense of humor, as Hisoka never fails to assure me.
He sighed. “Honestly, Tsuzuki, I don’t know how you survived as long as you did before you died.” We both froze, shocked green eyes staring into equally surprised, pained purple.
Hisoka broke the tense silence. “I-I didn’t-I mean, get up!” He quickly strode away from me, his hands tightly clutching his book to his chest like a shield.
The hurt, tight line of my mouth relaxed. Hisoka never could control what came out of his mouth, whether it was pleasant or less so. “It’s okay, Hisoka!” I sang out. “I know you didn’t mean it. Thanks for waking me up!”
“I just don’t want to be late,” he said gruffly from a safe place near the door, his face set in a blank expression. “Tatsumi-san will yell at me again for not keeping you in line.”
“You’re sixteen! You don’t need to act all grown up and responsible,” I said in bemusement.
Hisoka flinches.
That’s it. We’re both keeping our mouths shut. Glorious quiet between us should reign at all times. I shout to myself that he would be twenty if he were allowed to age. But no, he is forever trapped in an immortal young body.
Uncomfortable silence saunters into the room, right from our busy mouths, which inconveniently pop open at the most unfortunate moments.
“I’m sorry,” I said lamely. “Hisoka-“ I rise, determined to make this right. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
For a second, it looks like he’s going to say something decidedly tactless, but he relents. “Let’s just go. Tatsumi-san will eat us alive--I feel like a cinnamon roll you're looking at.”
“Okay.” I scramble from the messy bed, falling flat on my face for good effect as one side of his mouth twitches. When I look at him, the fond almost-smile is gone. But I knew it was there, and I grin.
~~~~~~~~
We arrived late. It was a forgone conclusion, even though I rushed and fussed about my room, muttering dire threats to all sweets for breakfast. I pulled on socks, shoved them into shoes, thrust my arms into my customary coat-but that wasn’t enough, obviously, for Hisoka, who was scowling and sitting rigidly in his chair.
“What?” I inquired innocently as he glared at me. “We can’t go through this every morning, Hisoka. Your eyes might fall out if you keep that up.”
He spluttered, then his gaze turned to somewhere behind me. I winced and then slowly turned around myself. It was Tatsumi, and his stern expression seemed carved of immovable stone. He was carrying a frightening stack of papers, so alarmingly high I could only peer in terror at his glasses, the only visible part of his face.
Let me clarify. Tatsumi never yells. He just stares at you in a way that makes you want to crawl into a hole and die, preferably swiftly and without much dilly-dally in the process.
“Tsuzuki, Hisoka,” he greeted, his eyes narrow as he puts down the papers on my desk. I eye it in horror. “Good afternoon. Late afternoon, I might add. I might even say early evening, if I felt a little playful, which I think is unlikely. And your excuse today? I stand in breathless anticipation.”
I expected Hisoka to point an accusing finger at me, or sit there coldly as he usually did while Tatsumi chews me out, but instead he says quickly, “I can explain.”
Tatsumi leveled the look on me, and I visibly wilted. Then he turned to Hisoka. “Can you?”
He looked lost, and I suddenly experience a feeling of empathy with him that has nothing to do with his gift transmitting to me. “No.”
“I thought not.” He patted the papers, nearly stroking it the possessive feel of a man with his beloved pet.
“Tatsumi,” I whined. “I’m sure you were worried about us, but there really was no reason. I just got up late, that’s all.”
He adjusted his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Let me assure you, I wasn’t worried at all, just irritated. In fact, I think your goal in death--” See what I mean? The joke affects even Tatsumi- “is to cause me migraines early in the day, or rather, all day.”
I think this the time to angst.
“That’s not our intention at all,” I protested. “I’ve been-“ I think better of it. The events that happened are too painful to use as a weapon.
Something like pain lurked in Tatsumi’s face. Then he said, “If you had not missed the meeting this morning, you would have been informed that you have a new assignment. I thought you might like a change besides paperwork--”
“Yes!” I crowed and then shrink as Hisoka stared at me. His eyes flickered to me, then away. Although he doesn’t show it, I think he’s worried about my ability to handle cases after that fiery incident at Kyoto.
“-but I might be mistaken.”
“No! I mean, no,” I said hurriedly, overjoyed to think of seeing the sun when I’m not squinting at it and wishing it were a little less high in the sky. “Hisoka and I would be glad-Hisoka?”
He’s sitting very still, and his hands are gripped tightly in his lap. “Tsuzuki isn’t ready,” he said. “He should rest.”
“I’ve had enough of lying in bed. And wasn’t it you who dragged me out of it?”
“To do office work. That’s all I thought we would do.”
Tatsumi looked from me to Hisoka, his gaze understanding. “I’ll let you sort that out yourselves, then.” He cast a last look at me, a look filled with tenderness he didn’t think I saw. He left us, and we stared at each other.
“Hisoka,” I said with as much force as I can muster against the achingly vulnerable boy, “I’m fine. Let’s find out what this is about.”
“You’re not ready!” he nearly shouted, and the entire office stopped their work, eyebrows lifted in our direction. “You almost-what if-baka!”
Tatsumi ushered them back to their duties without even reacting, as though he expected the scene that was currently unfolding.
“I need to get out of this,” I said gently. “That’s the only way I can move on. And I want you to come with me as I do.”
“No.”
“But I want you with me,” I whimper. I went into full puppy mode now as I pad over to Hisoka, pawing at his legs. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. “You said-“ I stopped.
“I know what I said,” he said angrily. “But don’t expect-fine. Let’s go. But try not to do anything stupid, although that’s like telling you to stop breathing.”
“But I’m dead-do I breathe?” I couldn’t help it, honestly. Also, I felt the need to break up the awkward silence that wavered between us by saying something extremely silly. It worked, and I inwardly gloated at my own cleverness in my waving idiocy in front of everyone.
He rubbed his temples, light wheat-colored blonde hair falling into his eyes. “Shut up, now, before I stuff something in your face. And it won’t be sweets, either.”
~~~~~~~~
The library was a nice, quiet place to contemplate important matters. So Tsuzuki was snoring.
Hisoka stared at him, torn between exasperation and affectionate tolerance. They were supposed to be finishing their last batch of paperwork before they began their case.
But apparently Tsuzuki had other ideas. So he slept, and Hisoka worked.
He didn’t mind, really. He felt inadequate to do anything other than doing office duty, because on the actual field it was Tsuzuki who did the real work.
Tsuzuki. The man was as sweet as the unhealthy food he consumed on a daily basis, and he was beautiful. So very, very beautiful. And Hisoka … Hisoka would forever remain a coltish sixteen.
Tsuzuki yawned and unconsciously moved closer to Hisoka. Waves of contentment streamed from him.
An explosion resounded through the building, suspiciously from the direction of Watari’s lab.
Praying, as he always did, that he would one day be equal to his partner, if only to be able to protect him, Hisoka looked down at the desk but seeing Tsuzuki’s sleeping face in his mind. He didn’t dare gaze at the man beside him for fear that he would wake and catch Hisoka’s expression.
~~~~~~~~
“Watari-san?” The voice sounded hesitant. “Can I speak with you?”
The genki scientist blinked in confusion at the unexpected question, then leapt at the opportunity of snagging another victim for his laboratory experiments. “Bon! Come in, come in!”
“It’s … it’s about something really important,” Hisoka informed him abruptly after the awkward silence that followed the brief greetings.
Watari smiled. “You wouldn’t happen to want to become a girl, would you?” he asked in a wheedling manner. “It’s very significant. Revolutionary, in fact.”
“Watari-san, I already-” Hisoka caught himself before he could say something rather insensitive. “I didn’t come for that.”
“No? Then-” A horrible thought dawned on Watari. “It isn’t Tsuzuki, is it? Did he turn into a pile of mush after eating too much EXPLAIN? You never know what dead people are capable of nowadays. Before, it was just coming back to life. But now-”
“Watari-san!”
“Sorry! Back to Tsuzuki. Drowned himself in a puddle after drinking? Or he fell on his head again … I swear, that man-”
“No!” Hisoka bellowed with all the force his small body could muster. “I need you!”
The scientist blinked behind his spectacles again, eyes round with happy surprise. “You do? What for?”
Now that he had the chance in his hands, Hisoka juggled it hopelessly without quite knowing what to do with it. Should he confide in Watari-san, or anybody? And what was he trying to say, anyway? He didn’t know himself.
“I’m … I’m not a very nice person,” Hisoka mumbled finally. “People haven’t … they don’t … really like me.”
“Bon! What on earth-”
“I know it’s the truth,” the boy said fiercely. “So don’t try to butter it up in honey sauce.” He stopped. “Oh ….”
Watari cleared his throat. “Yes, well, that’s quite all right. So what do you want me to do? Again, I’ve heard women have calm, peaceful temperaments and-”
“I want to be someone a person can love. I can’t do it by myself, Watari-san. You have to help me.”
The blonde’s brow furrowed. “A love potion, then?”
“No. I don’t want to change anything about this person. This person’s perfect in every way. I just … I just want to be worthy.”
“Let me get this straight.” Watari stared at the boy, who stared back determinedly, though his green eyes were filling with tears. “You want me to change you-“”
“Inside. My personality, or whatever stupid brooding thing it is. I don’t want to be me anymore.”
“Bon, if this special someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then-”
“No! He has to love me! Tsuzuki-” Hisoka swallowed, not even noticing his slip. “I hate myself. I always do something to hurt him, and he just stands there and takes it, over and over again, with that idiotic goofy grin on his face. Not only that, I can’t protect him. I want to, so much, but I can’t. I can’t do anything for him. If not anything else, then at least-”
“Everyone knows you care about him,” Watari said soothingly, his heart going out to the boy, “and everyone also knows he cares about you. Do you want more than that?”
Hisoka thought for a while. Then, “Never mind about him loving me. He would never want me,” Hisoka said quietly. “I’m damaged goods. But I should make him happy.”
“You do realize, Bon, that you’re the partner who’s stuck with him the longest? That’s saying something about his happiness.”
“Of course I want to be with him,” Hisoka said, his face intense. “I want to be with him always. But he’s sorry for me, and I can’t take it. Oh, I don’t know what I want anymore! I’m so confused. Just make me someone else. Please, Watari-san.”
Watari sighed. “Let me guess the rest. You wish you were older, that you could always control what you say, that you could be powerful, and that you were someone Tsuzuki would respect and admire.”
“Yes,” Hisoka whispered, his hands flat on the table and trembling.
“You want to be Tatsumi,” Watari said impassively. “And I can tell you, before I give you some life-changing brew, that he’s not the person Tsuzuki wants you to be. He already has one Tatsumi. Believe me, it’s enough.” As for myself, I’ll have to learn to accept that.
“Watari-san-” The boy bit his lip. "Tsuzuki ... he loves everybody. He can't bear to hurt other people. He wants everyone else's happiness above his own. Case after case, he's cried and broken down. He's so lovable that people will rush to comfort him. He doesn't need me. I know, Watari-san. He wept to Tatsumi-san, not to me. He thought I couldn't handle his pain, and I'm so afraid that he's right. I'll go crazy--I need him so much--"
“Are you really serious about this?” Watari asked resignedly. “He’s wrong, isn’t he?” he inquired of the tiny owl perched on his shoulder. “003, what do you think?”
“Yes,” Hisoka answered, ignoring the side conversation the scientist was having with the bird. An uncomfortable silence followed. “What about Hijiri?” Hisoka asked eagerly.
“Originality, Bon.”
“Anybody, then!”
“Well-” Watari paused. After all, it wasn’t often Watari had a willing subject for his experiments. Damn Tatsumi and his miserly ways …
~~~~~~~
One was a picture of Tsuzuki with his arm around Hisoka, smiling widely as though he was a child who had just gotten his favorite cookie.
"Tsuzuki! Kurosaki! The chief wants to see you."
"Not now ... " I whine, shielding my precious dessert with my body. Terzuma had been eyeing it in a threatening manner, more, I suspected to keep me on edge than any real desire for sweets.
Hisoka and I both knew Muraki is still alive. He was, we suspected--although Hisoka said nothing-responsible for our next job.
I want you more and more, Tsuzuki-san. Give me your body.
Hisoka still had nightmares. He often woke up screaming, and now he had a cause to hate fire as well as sakura blossoms. I had gifted him with one reason. Muraki had given him the other.
I too had dreams, ones from which I awoke panting, my sheets soaked with sweat and other fluids. Muraki had scarred me as surely as if he had branded red marks upon my skin as he had Hisoka.
I have waited, Tsuzuki-san … waited for this moment.
Cool pale hands sliding down my bare chest, white against my darker skin. Warm lips caressing my own unresponsive mouth, nuzzling my neck.
“Here it is,” Konoe announced. “But, Tsuzuki, I’m telling you again that this job isn’t necessary for you and Hisoka to take. In fact, perhaps Hisoka could have a temporary partner and-“
“No,” I rushed to say, somewhat uncomfortable at the thought of Hisoka with someone else. “I’m fine, honestly.”
The case was about a series of people mysteriously dying in hospitals in a frightening number. Some of the patients had been suicidal, but their passing had been terrible agony. Those who had looked forward to leaving their beds had first endured a deteriorating illness before succumbing to the same fate.
This was a sick joke on Muraki’s part, a disgusting parody of what had happened to me and Hisoka. Fury filled me. Why couldn’t he leave us alone?
Feeling, as always, the endless pain, I pasted on a smile and looked at Hisoka, afraid that he would be thinking of his own time there. He was staring at a picture of a young man with dark brown hair and a hopeless expression on his gaunt face.
Hisoka turned away, his eyes narrowed-why? Because he was irritated at the assignment, or … or was he trying not to cry?
I did understand this, and I was touched beyond words at his concern.
He carefully tucked the picture along with the others into his shirt pocket, against his heart. “All right, then. Let’s get it over with,” Hisoka said. He staggered a little as he walked toward the door, but quickly recovered himself and resumed his way.
Worried, I lowered my shields a fraction to see what was happening to him.
Dark and madness.
Despair is my only friend, my constant companion. I cannot be rid of him, for I deserve nothing better than his company. Why … I do not remember, only that I do.
During my life, I faced loneliness, discrimination, and hatred of my own existence. Only in death can I be accepted, be welcomed into oblivion.
I cannot die! Damn it, why can’t I die?
Your body is perfect … no matter what you did, it wouldn’t die.
By the way, Tsuzuki-san, what are you?
What am I? A monster.
I wanted to be with them. I wanted to be human.
Attempts to gouge out my cursed purple eyes. Beautiful, he called them. Embedded amethysts. Demon’s eyes.
Resolutely, I shook the thoughts from my mind and strode over to Hisoka, troubled at what he knew. But he was frowning in annoyance at my slowness, so I left it at that.
Hisoka seemed a little … different, I noted absently as we walked down the street-oh, a bakery!-unusually close to one another. Nicer, somehow. He wasn’t snapping at me, which made me nervous. What was he pondering in that pretty blonde head of his? And did I just think that next to an empath? Oh, God.
“I’m thinking of how lovely the day is,” he replied oddly, and I uncoiled from the pretzel shape I had acquired in anticipation of a smack. “Isn’t it?”
I blinked. “Ah-yes. It’s beautiful.” And it was. In Meifu, where sakura trees were always raining down their pink plumage onto the ground, there was never this haphazardly human appeal.
A blow to my gut from a small fisted hand roused me from my contemplation. “Baka!” he said loudly-there’s my Hisoka. “That’s enough of memorizing the scenery.”
“Waaahhhh …” I protested, rubbing my belly. “You said it first.”
It was only later that I realized he had actually touched me.
~~~~~~
An hour later, I decided to leave Hisoka behind at the hotel and investigate by myself. Hospitals now made me nauseous, and I could imagine what Hisoka felt. It was funny how I often posed as the school nurse.
I am your weakness.
“You’re not ditching me,” he said flatly. My expression must have given it away, because I had made sure to pull up my shields as tightly as I could.
“Aaawww, Hisoka,” I whined. “I just thought you might want to take a break for a while.”
“I think you’re confusing me with someone else.”
“Soka-chan … ”
He stopped dead in his tracks. “What did you call me?”
“Hisoka,” I said quickly to avoid instant second death.
He had a strangely soft smile on his young face, then he frowned darkly. “That was … that was … stupid, baka!” he yelled. “I’m not a little kid, and don’t presume to take liberties with me!”
“Sorry! It was just a slip, Hisoka. Don’t get mad. Hey, cookies!”
I want you safe, Soka-chan. You’re my link to this world, my strength .Don’t you know that?
“No!” For a frozen moment I thought he was responding to my thoughts. Then, “Don’t you dare pull that hangdog expression. You’re not going to die if you don’t go into that cookie shop.”
We really have to stop with the whole dead thing. It’s pathetic. But honestly, in my defense, it's his porcupine personality that causes me to duck the quills.
~~~~~~~~
And ... was Hisoka pouting? If so, he had been doing it for the last half hour. His elbows were propped up on the table and he was leaning on his hands, watching me with a speculative look.
"Hisoka?"
"Yes? Is there something you ... wanted?"
I swallow. "Well, I would like to know why ... uh ... do I have something on my face?"
Hisoka frowned in thought, his nose wrinkling cutely. He wasn't sure whether or not to pile more work on Tsuzuki so that he could stare at him longer, or take his work away so Tsuzuki could relax. The latter won out. Hisoka wanted to be useful, after all.
"Tsuzuki ... let me do the paperwork. You must be tired after fighting with that monster." Hisoka closed his eyes for a moment, replaying the exciting scene before him again. Tsuzuki was so powerful, so sexy, with his black trenchcoat whirling around him as he chanted the ancient spells and called forth his shikigamis.
My eyes bulge. Hisoka offering to do my work? Since when had he not chastised me for not doing anything productive? Actually, recently, when I've fallen asleep at my desk--I'm so tired from the nightmares--I've woken up to find my paperwork done for me. I look at Hisoka as the culprit, but he's always sitting in his chair, busily reading away, and smiling when he sees me.
I glomp him, of course, and he shyly denies anything.
His eyes are so beautiful, Hisoka thought dreamily. Like shining purple lamps.
He misinterprets my silence. "But ... if you stay with me ... you know, keep me company while I work ... I wouldn't mind."
"Sure," I say lamely. "But I really could do it myself--"
He quickly pops a lollipop into my mouth to stem further protests. "Now sit there," he instructed, and just enjoy ..."
Enjoy what? The view? I've always looked at him surrepitiously as we worked, at his intent green eyes set in a pale elfin face. Sighing, I settle back. I wasn't going to complain about this new development. I'd almost developed eyes on my forehead from trying to do my paperwork and gaze at him at the same time.
So they continued their unspoken staring contest when a furious argument was heard and they started.
"Do you enjoy intimidating defenseless people, Tatsumi-san? Does it make you feel powerful? If so, kindly place your sexual frustration in another endeavor. We'd all appreciate it." Everyone gaped. For a moment no one spoke, but they were waiting for the coming confrontation between Tatsumi and Kei.
Then Tsuzuki fell over with an enormous crash, managing to bring his desk down with him. "Ouch!" he said loudly. "That really hurt!"
Playing along, Hisoka swatted him with a stack papers, eliciting another "Ouch! Hisoka, you meanie!"
This incident didn't deter Kei. "What's your response going to be, Tatsumi-san? We're all dying to know."
"Apologize to Tatsumi!" Watari exploded. Then he hesitated, afraid he'd given himself away. "I mean, will you stop with the dead jokes!"
"Tsuzuki--san, will you please sleep with our resident Mr. Stingy? That would clear a lot of things from the atmosphere."
"Will you shut up!" Hisoka shouted, dropping his heavy papers on Tsuzuki's head as he stalked up to Kei, fists clenched.
So far, Tatsumi had uttered nothing. "Well," he said finally. "This is quite a ruckus. And all over a few unpaid bills." He looked pained at that last.
"There should be a show called "Everybody Loves Tsuzuki," Hisoka muttered darkly.
"I refuse to be reassigned," Tsuzuki said flatly. "I'm staying with Hisoka, no matter what."
Hisoka, Tatsumi, and Konoe stared at him. "Tsuzuki ..." they all began.
"I am."
Hisoka slowly stood up, his hands twisted together. "Stop it!" he suddenly shouted. "How can you do this for me?"
Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, and Konoe stared at him. "Hisoka ... " they all began.
"Shut up! I hate you! I hate you for making me love you!" The boy's young, vulnerable face crumpled, and he turned to run. Tsuzuki caught his wrist and nearly dragged him over the table over to himself.
"Sssshhh ..." Tsuzuki crooned, hugging him tightly against his chest. "It's all right, Hisoka."
"I hate you ... I hate you ..." the boy sobbed, clutching at Tsuzuki's coat. Tatsumi and Konoe beat a strategic retreat, Tatsumi casting a sad but understanding look at the scene behind him.
~~~~~~
"Then you can live just for me! I don't want to be alone anymore!" Hisoka cried, his voice choked with tears, muffled as he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest.
"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked in shocked wonder.
"I can't lose what's important to me. You are essential, Tsuzuki. You said you should not exist. But what if my life depends on yours? I need you!"
He needs me ...
"I decided a long time ago ... that my place is here. By your side only ... "
Tsuzuki's eyes drifted shut as he clasped the boy closer to him, afraid to believe Hisoka's heartfelt words.
"I won't be separated from you. If you leave this world, I will go with you, wherever that may be."
They remained thus, the man and boy in each others' arms. The fire of Touda crept in crackling tread toward them, licking at their clothes and skin before darkness and shadows claimed them.
~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~
The boy stared down in wonder at the weeping man in his arms, the most powerful shinigami in Meifu who sought the protection of Hisoka's fragile embrace.
Hisoka stuttered as he looked at Tsuzuki. "I ... I don't .. I can't ... the .. I'm disgusting ... and you're so--beautiful--"
"Are you talking about the scars?" Tsuzuki asked gently. "I love you, Hisoka. Those things .. were done to you, and I don't hate you for them. That's wouldn't be fair of me, now would it?" His voice became teasing.
Hisoka shrank back, eyes wide and firmly fixed on the older man's face. "I don't feel whole, Tsuzuki."
"Then let me complete you," Tsuzuki whispered, coming closer and pressing a soft kiss to the boy's mouth.
Hisoka shook his head, tears filling his eyes as he bit his lip. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me."
"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked sleepily.
"Yes?" the man sighed blissfully.
"How did you know what to do?"
Tsuzuki stared up at the ceiling. "I've done it before," he muttered finally.
"With Tatsumi-san?"
"Yes." Among others, most of which he'd like to forget. Muraki ...
"Weren't you the uke?"
Tsuzuki gaped, firmly forgetting the unpleasant memories. "Why--you nosy imp!"
Hisoka looked at him innocently, green eyes blinking. "Do you prefer being on the top or bottom? Or does it depend on whom you're with?"
Tsuzuki spluttered.
Hisoka closed his eyes, suddenly looking very vulnerable. "Are you all right, Tsuzuki?" he asked in a small voice. "Tatsumi-san loves you so much ... now you know everything about me, and it's ugly ... I'll understand if you want to go to him."
"Hisoka ..." he gathered the little bundle of pajamaed Hisoka into his arms. "I want nothing more than this. I could die a happy man now."
"You idiot," Hisoka mumbled into my shirt. "Then we couldn't do--" I could almost feel his blush.
"That?" I supply helpfully.
"You're so dense, Tsuzuki," he murmurs. Before I can take offense, he says, "Dense ... like chocolate."
"The dark is lonely," Hisoka says quietly.
"Especially when you're by yourself," I say with complete seriousness and no hint of joking.
Hisoka closed his eyes, fighting down the bitter traces of fear that wound about him like the intricate scars on his body. But with Tsuzuki, the night with its horrors was no so frightening, after all. He snuggled closer to the long, warm body beside him, and in return Tsuzuki tucked his chin on Hisoka's head to hug him more deeply.
Shadows whispered sleepy contentment into Hisoka's ear.
They slept.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Do you know what I'm really scared of, Tsuzuki?"
"I'm not the empath," I retorted teasingly.
"I--never mind." He turned wide green eyes toward me, and all at once I was afraid. Afraid that what he was feeling wasn't really his feelings at all, but mine.
"Hisoka? Tell me."
"I--I can't."
"Tell me!"
His head snapped up. "Tsuzuki?"
I was breathing hard. It occurred to me that I might become what he was so frightened of. "I'm sorry, Hisoka. I just thought--that you might--"
He leaned forward and laid a small hand on my shoulder. "Why are you so worried, you idiot?" he murmured. "I love the way I feel around you, but completely, absolutely, I love you."
"So what are you scared of?"
He smiled shyly. "The dark. Stay with me?"
I chuckled in fake relief. I knew he wasn't telling me the truth. "So I'll keep the bedmonsters away?"
He shrugged. "They might get scared off when they see what we're doing."
I blink. Hisoka agrees to eat my cooking? What? Before he can change his mind, I hurriedly put the bowl down in front of him and watch closely as he inhales, digs his chopsticks in, and eats.
I practically bounce up and down with excitement. "So? So? How is it?"
Hisoka chews thoughtfully for a moment, then spits it out and carefully washes every last bit of the meal down the sink. "I think I'm going to die now. Goodbye, Tsuzuki. You killed me."
"Wwwaaaaiii!" A fountain of tears sprinkle like a faucet out of my eyes. "Still so mean!"Labels: story, writing, yami no matsuei
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {6:41 PM}
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