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A HIGH LIFE.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Winnie Khaw
My Life in Four Stages
I am a silly little twit. I thought that was important to let you, dear reader, know before commencing to peruse this equally banal paper. The works matches well with the writer. As I have, prior to this essay, written a piece on a similar topic, namely, myself, I have taken the liberty of, dare I acknowledge it, a deviation for which I sincerely hope I will not be penalized. Should that unfortunate discipline occur, I will of course straightaway pen a solemn autobiography worth of the staunchest American forefather.
I am the second offspring of a surprising number of parents—two. The pitiful result of being the younger is myself, Winnie Khaw, a small chubby Asian girl, pampered when not criticized. A pivotal point in my life was the discovery that I could not speak English properly. This revelation was imparted to me by my Kindergarten teacher. I was, needless to say, appalled. I, the epitome of perfection and the darling of the world—according to my aunt, with whom I lived, was deficient in some area, not including all other subjects? Therefore I set upon a road much traveled by—I read. And I wrote. And I read and I wrote, to the detriment of other academic studies, until my brain drained out of my ears and nose—the obvious consequence being Independent Study. I jest, of course. As I have mentioned, tiresomely, before, and as I will, tiresomely, continue to state, the extremely frustrating illness of depression perpetually plagues me. When the mood strikes, I am rendered incapable of productive action and am reduced to lump of yellow dough mixed with sour vinegar—scintillating company, as one can imagine. I then proceed to rail at life and its Creator, further endearing myself to friends.
Unwittingly, from an early age, I had appointed Perfection to the status of God. To my limited understanding, school was the altar on which I was placed to praise Him. A more foolish and agonizing religion I could hardly have chosen, excluding one which involves the swallowing of adders and the like. When I was praised, I leapt high into the clouds but, censured, plummeted to the lowest depths of hell. I systematically and methodically destroyed myself, and, as entertaining as the pastime was, I could have done without the subject being myself. Apparently, as I am beginning to realize, Perfection cannot be reached without a Savior. I always wondered what the missing connection was, and when I could not fulfill the lack with my own ever-so-divine self, ensued a mental bashing of my head against my unforgiving idol. Perfection, needless to say, felt nothing, while I progressed to the state of bleeding, sobbing bewilderment, bewailing my admittedly fantastic beliefs. To change my experiences would be to unearth the deepest faith I have ever known. However, I would gladly surrender that intolerant God for a merciful one. Returning to the topic, I will attempt with all my spirit to find a true faith, and my educational experiences will doubtless improve. But I ramble in my confusion. Or do I? I am perplexed on this matter. Besides school, which occupied the entirety of my time, I had no other responsibilities, I am ashamed to admit. In the future, that deficiency will change, for the better.
I must complete my education because I want to become an actor and a writer. Failing that, I will be a teacher, although, certainly, that means a long fall from my aspiring hopes. Having had a wonderful physics instructor, I now feel mere indifference toward subjects of logic, reason, science, and mathematics, an improvement from the mutual dire hatred we harbored for each other. I enjoy philosophy, history, English, theatre, and the like. As a welcome change from last year, I plan to have a successful future, and so I have decided to act upon that wish. To define success, I want to entertain and make people happy with my performance. If I am not wealthy, so be it. If I do not win an Oscar, very well. If I am not famous—I will be infamous!Labels: me, writing
-------------------LIVE HIGH!LIVE WILD!--------------- ; {4:42 PM}
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